Posted by Aurora on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 3:35 PM
DISCIPLINE (DISCIPLING) OF CHILDREN
GUIDELINES FOR DISCIPLINE (DISCIPLING) OF CHILDREN:
CLEAR: Use age-appropriate language.
CONCISE: Consider child's ability to remember.
CARING: Build relationship and respect.
CONSISTENT: Reduce insecurity and fear.
CONSTRUCTIVE: Build self-esteem and character.
The word discipline comes from the Latin root word discipulus meaning pupil. The verb disciple comes from the same root word and means to teach or instruct or train. The purpose of disciplining a child is to teach, instruct, or train that child. If your current method of disciplining your child is ineffective in accomplishing your intended purpose of establishing desired behaviors, perhaps it is time to consider other methods of accomplishing that purpose.
When your child must act out in order to get attention from you, it is time to be proactive in giving positive time and attention to your child. How long has it been since you have set aside time to spend one-on-one with your child? Children long for your undivided attention and will find a way to get it whether through negative or positive behavior. A regularly scheduled time with each child helps maintain a healthy parent-child relationship. Often negative behaviors cease when enough positive attention is given.
Behavioral therapy is based on encouraging positive behaviors and extinguishing negative behaviors. That may be done through a token system, i.e., earning points toward family outings through good behavior. Although negative behaviors may be extinguished through punishment, rewards and positive recognition are more likely to establish desired behaviors. “Parents are taught to give immediate and positive feedback for behaviors they want to encourage, and ignore or redirect behaviors they want to discourage.”(1)
To put this in adult terms, no one likes working for a boss who is constantly looking for a reason to terminate your employment. Everyone prefers to work for a boss who is clear about expectations, who provides training for each expected task, who encourages and rewards desired work behaviors, and who firmly but fairly corrects undesired work behaviors with the purpose of helping you keep your job! Would your children not benefit by the same approach?
--Elizabeth S. York, M.Ed., LPC, LMFT