Three Things That Can Make Your Workplace Healthier

Spend enough time working with people and you start noticing something:

most workplace problems aren't really about work.

They're about people.

Miscommunication. Stress. Someone feeling overlooked. A manager who avoids a difficult conversation for three weeks and then finally has it when they're already irritated. An employee who hears feedback as criticism. Two coworkers who have completely different versions of the same conversation.

None of this is particularly unusual. Put a group of humanS together for 40 hours a week, add deadlines, money, personalities, pressure, and a few meetings that probably could have been emails, and you're going to have some friction.

At Anchor Workplace Services, we spend a lot of time thinking about what psychology can teach us about those everyday workplace interactions. Not because managers need to become therapists. They don't.

But there are some basic things we know about the brain, stress, and communication that can make people better leaders and better coworkers.

Here are three that are pretty easy to start using.

1. Don't Have the Conversation When You're Already at a 9

Most of us have said something when we're angry or frustrated and realized about 30 seconds later that we probably should have waited.

There's a reason for that.

When we're stressed, threatened, embarrassed, or angry, the brain and body begin preparing us to respond to a perceived threat. That's helpful when we're in actual danger. It's considerably less helpful when the "danger" is Steve from accounting disagreeing with us in a staff meeting.

As emotional intensity increases, it can become harder to slow down, consider another person's perspective, control impulses, and think flexibly.

That's usually when we say the thing.

You know the thing. The sentence you spend the drive home rewriting in your head. So before you send the email, confront the employee, or walk into the meeting, check yourself first.

How activated are you right now?

If you're angry, slow down. If your heart is racing, give yourself a minute. Take a few slower breaths. Walk around the building. Get some water. Figure out what you're actually trying to accomplish.

One question I like is:

What do I want to happen because of this conversation?

That's very different from asking, What do I want to say?

The goal isn't to avoid hard conversations. Healthy workplaces need hard conversations.

The goal is to have them when you're capable of thinking clearly enough to have them well.

2. Ask One More Question Before You Make Up the Story

People are really good at filling in blanks. Unfortunately, we're not always good at filling them in correctly.

Someone doesn't respond to your email.

They're ignoring me.

Your boss sends, "Can you stop by my office?"

I'm in trouble.

A coworker pushes back on an idea.

They don't respect me.

Maybe.

But maybe not.

One of the most useful habits I've learned as a counselor is to get curious before getting certain. It's useful in counseling, marriage, parenting, leadership, and pretty much anywhere else human beings are involved.

Instead of:

"Why didn't you get this done?"

Try:

"Help me understand what happened."

Instead of:

"You don't seem committed to this."

Try:

"I'm noticing something feels different. What's going on?"

Or sometimes just:

"Tell me more about that."

That last one is simple, but it's one of the best communication tools available. Ask a question and then actually listen to the answer. Not the kind of listening where you're silently preparing your rebuttal while the other person is still talking. Actual listening.

This doesn't mean lowering expectations or avoiding accountability. Sometimes the answer is still, "This wasn't acceptable and we need to fix it."

But at least you're responding to what actually happened instead of responding to the story you created about what happened. That's a big difference.

3. Pay Attention to What Your Body Is Saying

We communicate a lot before we ever open our mouths.

Think about a manager saying:

"I really want your feedback."

Now picture that manager leaning back with crossed arms, looking at the clock and sighing. Technically, they asked for feedback. Good luck getting any. Tone of voice, facial expression, posture, eye contact, physical orientation, and pace all affect how conversations feel.

We also tend to respond to the emotional tone of the people around us. Walk into a tense meeting and you can usually feel it before anyone tells you what's wrong.

Leaders need to pay particular attention to this because other people are watching them.

If you're frantic, your team notices.

If you're defensive, they notice.

If someone brings you bad news and you immediately become irritated, you've just taught that employee something about bringing you bad news.

So here's a simple experiment.

In your next difficult conversation, pay attention to three things:

Your posture. Your voice. Your speed.

Sit back a little. Relax your shoulders. Slow your speech down. Put the phone away. Let the other person finish.

Then, before giving your opinion, tell them what you think you heard.

Something like: "So if I'm understanding you correctly, the deadline isn't really the issue. You're frustrated because the expectations changed after you had already started the project. Is that right?" You don't have to agree. That's important. Listening and agreeing are not the same thing. You can understand someone's perspective and still disagree with their conclusion, enforce a boundary, correct performance, or make a different decision.

But people generally handle disagreement better when they believe they've actually been heard.

Your Workplace Doesn't Need to Be Perfect

Healthy workplaces still have conflict. People still get frustrated. Employees still make mistakes. Managers still make bad calls. Personalities clash. Deadlines get missed. Someone will inevitably reply-all when they absolutely should not have replied-all. The goal isn't eliminating all of that. The goal is building a workplace where people know what to do when it happens.

Can we slow ourselves down?

Can we ask questions before making assumptions?

Can we listen without immediately becoming defensive?

Can we disagree without turning every disagreement into a personal conflict?

Can we repair things when we get them wrong?

Those skills matter. And they're teachable.

Anchor Workplace Services, a division of Renewing Hope Counseling, works with businesses and organizations to bring practical psychology into the workplace. We provide interactive Lunch & Learns, workplace communication training, leadership development, executive coaching, workplace wellness programs, and customized training for teams.

We're not interested in giving your employees another presentation they'll forget by the time they get back to their desks. We want to give people tools they can actually use the next time a conversation gets difficult.

Because work involves people.

And people are complicated.

Fortunately, we know a few things about people.