Attachment Styles and the Holiday Stress: Understanding How You Relate to Loved Ones

Attachment styles are essentially the early-life connection patterns through which we form relationships with others, including how we create bonds with people and how we pursue close connections (or maintain distance). Attachment Styles include: Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant. These styles guide how we pursue closeness and establish distance from one another in all our relationships.

As holidays bring people together with their families and friends, attachment styles may be more apparent than ever. You will likely see how your attachment style influences your interactions with others at holiday functions, your coping with holiday-related stress, and your relationships with those who are closest to you.

In general, awareness of your attachment style provides a roadmap for approaching your holiday relationships with greater self-awareness and less stress. This is about being aware of how you connect with others and providing yourself and others a little bit of grace as you move through the holiday season together.

Clinical and Practical Strategies

Self-Awareness & Reflection: Before family gatherings this holiday season, take a few minutes to notice any attachment issues you might be feeling. For example, are you worried about being accepted, or do you feel like you need space? Once you recognize your feelings, you can start to find ways to cope.

Setting Soft Limits: If you tend to use an avoidant attachment strategy, you should be able to set limits on your time as needed. If you need some time to recharge, you can step outside for a short time. Taking breaks allows you to focus on being present when you return.

Open Communication: If you often feel anxious, try talking openly and calmly with someone you trust, like a family member or partner. Letting them know what you need, such as reassurance or support, can be helpful.

Self-Care: The holidays can be stressful for everyone. Be gentle with yourself and notice how you feel.

By integrating these tips, you can navigate holiday relationships with a bit more ease and a lot more self-awareness.